Yes, I admit this is a juvenile statement and this post is full of drama, but I am a grown man with a silly boy’s heart. I think I am more disturbed that someone actually took a photo of Moose Balls which I found at Flikr. Kudos Elsie Milita.

This is my blog and my personal opinion, so I get to whine when I want. If you don’t agree, I really don’t care. I’m not sticking a gun to your head to read this page and you are choosing to read it. Life is about choices, I am a spoiled American, and thank goodness we have choices in brokerages. If you want fluffy, go pet a dog or cat. By the way, I am not the only person to have this opinion. There are currently 41,300,000 google hits that “E*Trade Sucks”. That’s a lot of sucking.

The only reason I stuck with E*Trade so long is that they inherited me when they bought the OptionHouse brokerage. That was the platform that I was accustomed to. See my previous rant.

I have a few brokerage accounts. Currently, they are with TD, Tastyworks, and an IRA left with Etrade. Earlier in 2020, I had dumped money into the TD Ameritrade account to dabble in the Futures market. A local broker called me and personally thanked me for the deposit and gave me his direct line in case I had any questions.

I sucked at trading Futures and did not like the fee structure at TD, so I moved money back out of the account. They contacted me and asked if everything was okay and curious as to why I withdrew my account. I told them that I sucked at trading Futures and their fee structure is harsh. They were very professional about it. I kept the account open in case I needed them in the future.

Okay, so after my recent issue with E*Trade, I moved money out of the E*Trade account and into the TD Ameritrade account. Again TD was professional and called me to thank me for funding the account with them. They also gave me a couple of direct numbers to get ahold of them instead of waiting in a phone cue with a CSR.

Here is why E*Trade’s business model is night and day to TD Ameritrade. When I withdrew money from E*Trade, I received no phone calls or emails to see why I pulled money out of the account. Instead, I get a big fat warning that I am in PTD violation and my account is restricted. Um yeah, that’s because I took my money out of the account you numbnuts. This is too funny. Like I am really going to call and be put on hold for 2 hours to discuss this with a burned-out CSR who really could not give two shits why I removed my money from E*Trade.

So yeah E*Trade, your business model sucks moose balls. At least wine and dine me if you’re gonna fuck me. Good luck with all the noob, stimulus check, traders you are getting. Also, congratulations to all those small accounts that are being opened on stimulus checks to make your numbers look good to your shareholders. Good luck to all you noobs using E*Trade. A TD rep told me that TD has been getting seasoned traders coming over to them, from E*TRADE, with the same war stories I have.

This is my last rant regarding E*Trade. Goodbye and again thanks for firing me. You do not fit within my “No Worries” trading parameter. Your shitty platform and shitty customer service are too stressful.